Or a second… or a third – basically for quite a few dates, for me at least.
So, at the end of last month I went on a first date, my first first date in over a year. So the nerves were extreme.
My previous relationship ended back in February, and whilst we were only together for around 6 months, it was a serious relationship, so getting over it and fully moving on took a bit of time. And I am of the opinion that you really will know when you are ready to get back out there, you’ll most likely be excited to do it (at least in theory). Don’t feel stressed about how long it is taking you to move on, it is always very different and very individual to not only each person, but each relationship. Whilst you could have been in a 5 year relationship and feel ready to date a month post break up, you could be in a 6 month relationship that takes you a year to move on from. Don’t stressed, if you’re not ready, chances are stacked against you meeting someone you like and even if you did, chance are even more stacked against that perfectly good, new relationship being ruined simply because you are not in the right head space to give yourself to someone else yet.
So, back to this first date. It was somewhat last minute, which probably made me more anxious as I hadn’t had a week to build myself up, Google conversation topics and scour ‘how to be an interesting date’ advice – all the normal stuff 25 year old’s have to do before a date… right? Because of it being relatively last minute I had about 45 minutes to get ready and leave, which in a normal scenario is completely doable. Not so much when you are feeling pressured to have your hair do that perfect voluminous bounce, makeup look natural and flawless, and clothes appear casual but utterly flattering and adorable.
I arrive at the location before him, and wandered over to The Beach, which is a pub/restaurant that we were meeting at, which also happens to be located near a lake/beach. I sat on a near by wall and tried to appear calm and casual… you know those exercise machines that you are suppose to stand on whilst they vibrate excessively and it supposedly helps you lose weight/tone up? Well I felt like I was stood on one of them, my entire internal body was vibrating with nerves. So I did what anyone would do, and frantically messaged my sister, it went something like this;
Me: “I haven’t been on a date in over a year!”
Me: “I hate this.”
Me: “Got full on shakes.”
Me: “Oh I just want to run…”
Me: “Can I?”
Me: “I’ll just hide behind the wall I’m sat on and then run when he goes inside.”
Sister: “Calm your beans.”
Sister: *Sends me a GIF of an up-close and personal view of two tongues, and the respective mouths that they belong to, snogging.*
As I sat there, cursing my sister, the guy messaged saying that he was here, had parked up and where was I? I replied I had walked over to The Beach. A couple of minutes past and I received another message saying, ”I am at the beach, where are you?”, from where I was sat I could see the surrounding area outside the pub/restaurant and he wasn’t there, before I could reply he sent another message, ”Talking to the ducks here..”, which did make me laugh, and calm me ever so slightly as I realised he had actually gone to the beach – the one with sand and water, and not the one made of bricks and mortar.
The main point I wanted to make in this post is stuff will go wrong on dates, it may be minor or major, it may be you or him – or both of you, numerous times. But just laugh it off, try to breathe, relax and just enjoy the date. I usually feel a bit calmer once seated and comfortable, but my nerve will peak throughout the date depending on a variety of stuff.
In the end I enjoyed the date, and was asked out on a second and then third date. Which I was and will be equally nervous about. Damn those people who can just be so casual and blasé on dates – you’re not human! 😉
First, second, third… etc… dates can be really daunting, and it doesn’t really make a difference how many you have been on, your relationship history or your age. To be honest, in the moment, no advice is going to particularly help you to calm down, so the best I can give you is the knowledge that there are plenty others out there who are equally, or more awkward and uncomfortable than you, and if that person likes you, they are going to like you no matter what stupid, embarrassing, yet usually endearing things you say or do. Even if it does include you talking to the ducks, at 9pm, on a dark and deserted beach.
Do you have any tips and tricks you use to relax on dates? What funny experiences have you had?